I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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