She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
