And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
