What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this boner is exhausting
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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