My room smells like vodka and shame
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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