So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
