not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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