If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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