I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
