So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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