I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
