Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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