Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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