I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
