It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
