I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
