I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
