o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
