its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
