You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
