my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize