i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
