Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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