Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
