the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
