if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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