so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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