The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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