I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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