The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
