This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
