If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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