I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
