There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My cat gives me a boner
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
