OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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