I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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