I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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