I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
