We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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