I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
