Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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