Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
