hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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