Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
