you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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