what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
