it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
