TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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