She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
