dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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