I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
