You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Alive.
So much puke
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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