WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
