how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
