Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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