do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
