I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
