Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this will be a night to untag.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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