If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
