i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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