i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
