i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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