i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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