well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
