just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
last night I used snow as a chaser
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
