Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
