new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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