That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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