besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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