just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Houston, we have a squirter
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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