dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
