After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
