Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
